It is not easy to consider, much less believe, but maybe I am more blessed than I sometimes realize. I have absolutely no doubts I am blessed and loved by God in so many countless ways.
But as to the matter that I consider multiple thorns in my side, I feel like Job–cursed for all my days. I have struggled mightily these last weeks with the most recent return of one I thought gone forever. Not so. Surely this can not be a blessing, can it? Not when it seems my will and my body are living two separate existances in one space.
Today however I stumbled upon a new light shone on an old familiar passage. Ps 139:13-14. Mary was to bear a child destined to suffer mightly. She was called by an angel of God ‘blessed among women’. Forgive me but I consider parents of physically challenged babies to be blessed because God knows they are up to the unique challenges before them. It is not an easy road for them and many would be able to travel it. They are blessed to have the love and strength to make the journey. Sometimes when a healthy person is so injuried that thier live if forever altered, I can see it as a blessing–changing what was good into what will be better. They are blessed in that they are re-created better–somehow. Sometimes it just takes time to see it emerge.
So when God ‘fearfully and wonderfully’ made me, knowing all the flaws and problems that would eventually ermerge, was He also creating a blessing for me? Is it possible? To let me live so many years strong, capable and compete, healthy and vigorous. Then, one day, slowly start taking bits of myself away, slowly chopping away at the good and replacing–or exposing–the challenging bits. The bits I tend to resent and hate and fight against. The bits I curse because of their intrusion into my life.
Could it really have been all part of God’s fearfully and wonderfully made plan for me? As in Jer 29:11? So it is possible that what I see as horrible challenges might really be loving blessings in disguise? Meant to make me a better individual for them and because of them?