I have recently returned home from a couple different hospital stays. One for a planned surgery and the other for sudden complications. I am feeling better now and ready to get back in the saddle. First I’d like to give a shout out to the wonderful ladies who made my stay much more pleasant. They all made me feel comfortable and cared for. To the ladies who work the women’s unit–Thank you.
Next, during my extended hospital stay, I was struck with some random thoughts which eventually I got penned down. Perhaps some might not fully ‘get them’, but I suspect others will….
I wear my gown like a backwards cape.
This is the body I must live with and bear no modesty
if you happen to catch a glance at my not so hidden parts.
For now nothing remains hidden anymore.
If they disgust someone may I remind they are my parts
and we all have some form of them.
The sun rises and the sun sets and the view does not change.
How many days have I stared
at the unmoving scene before me?
The message board whose only message are the date and names.
A blank TV and a clock I cannot read
though now would be a good time to learn
and a wire basket for holding gloves and bags.
One moment I feel like the victor, the next like the loser.
Still the war is not yet done.
By now my ear picks up the sound of the food cart
different and heavier than the others.
From behind the closed door I learn the
different footfalls and strides.
Life moves differently now. A much slower pace.
All my schedules and timetables
are useless here now.
I find it frustrating but see it also does not matter.
What will be will be, what will happen will get done.
What else really matters anymore?
It is only the now that counts.
Braveheart? Strong enough? Tough enough? I don’t know.
But I feel I have fought my way back.
Back from what I don’t exactly know.
How do you fight an invisible enemy?
How do you fight if the enemy is inside you?
How do you know if and when you have won?
If it is you against you—isn’t winning and losing
just an illusion anyway?
June 26, 2013