It seems a while since I have written here. Perhaps it is a case of the winter blues. But I think it might be more.
Less than a week ago I put my beloved little Papillion, Scrapper, to sleep. My best friend of over sixteen years has left me and I will admit I have been busy grieving her loss. The house is empty when I come home, no dog to walk at inconvenient hours and the bed is sorely empty now. I will be fine for a while and then suddenly burst into bouts of tears. If I happen to spot someone walking their dog along the road while I am driving, I look away. I still can not bring myself to look upon Scrap’s pictures.
I have tried to find things to help ease the pain. Admittedly, my stray cats, Aspen and Avery Faith, have helped fill my time up considerably. Leaps and bounds have been made in the taming of Aspen. Little Avery, well.. she is her mother’s daughter for sure and she will take time. Of which I have plenty of. And my writing has been keeping me busy as well. Short article pieces for local magazines, two in works novels, more plotting of a third I wish to start soon, promotion of Whispers in her Heart and planning the promotion of when Shimmers of Stardust is released later this year. Lots to do, lots to think about. Contests to enter, lots of journaling to do. To paraphrase someone I know: a business to run. Because writing like this is a business.
But I still hurt inside. I still lost a friend. Yeah, she was a dog. Big deal some might say. Get another others might suggest.
Well, Scrapper was tiny but she was a big deal to me. An important key part of my life for almost two decades. The spot beside my feet is bare now when I work. The place beside my arm is empty when I reach at night. That’s a big deal. No furry white waif waiting for me when I return home. That’s lonely.
And yes, someday I will get another. Not a Scrapper as she can’t be replaced. Probably not even another Papillion. She was one of a kind. I would like to return to my first love–a collie. Or my second love–a German Shepherd. I still like scruffy terrier mixed breeds too. But I suspect when the time is right, when my heart is healed sufficiently, the right dog will find me. Until then, I will muster on.
A woman without her dog.