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Posts Tagged ‘contentment’

Today I went house shopping. I have been doing a lot of the behind the scenes beginner things for a little while now, but today I actually began touring available houses. I feel it is about time to move from my present locale. And I usually follow my feelings. So while I am excited about the prospect and all it entails, I am also a little depressed by it. I had not thought myself ready to leave my cozy home, house hunting is work (as if I am not busy enough already) and moving can be hard on a lot of things. So I feel a real sense of yin and yang in that this is the thing to do, it’s what I had wanted to do but it seems to be happening quicker then I had imagined.

The whole thing sort of reminds me of one of my favorite movies: It’s a Wonderful Life. The one with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed .

wondrrful life movie poster

I could watch this Frank Capra film production over and over at any time of year. To me it’s not just a Christmas story. It’s a story about love and living.

Why? Well because a major part of the show is now resonating within me lately. The Bailey family spends their time at the Savings and Loan Building, providing families with their own house–‘four walls and a roof” as a character phrased it once. The Savings and Loan Building and what it represents is a pivotal part of the movie, as is the developing romance between the main characters, Mary and George.

So now that I am searching for my own four walls and a roof and it’s scary and exciting all at once. Kind of like falling in love can be. In my case, there are all the stages and steps and searching and time. All the questions about things I’ve never considered before. So I am surrounding myself with people who are knowledgeable on the things I don’t know to join me on this journey to home ownership.

With the right mindset, I can find the fun and adventure in this. And I will take a lesson from the movie that no matter what happens, it’s a wonderful life. In this case, my reminder is in the form of a character called George Bailey.

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I had a thought yesterday. Do we sometimes need a break from life? Or just from some part of life that nettles at us like an angry wasp?

I have had plenty of down time this year, what might in a broad sense be considered a break. However, most of it was forced upon me and far from relaxing in any sense of the word. I did get a small amount of real break time as well. So I am not complaining at all. I am merely wondering.

For years now I have maintained I am content. Still do. I am good where I am at, with what I have and what I do. I don’t look for much to change and don’t seek what’s on the other side of the fence. Largely because I don’t really think it’s much greener over there than it is here. Mine’s plenty green, thank you.

So would that leave me ‘stressed’ instead? No, not really, despite what some around me might say. Stressed doesn’t actually feel right. Not like many years ago when I was admittedly stressed and overstressed and lived in a perpetual state of stress. Probably largely due to my own making, I’d have to admit now, looking back. So I would deny right now I am stressed. Naysayers beware…

Thinking and pondering and mulling it around, I would come up with the term Frustrated. I know what I need to do, how to do it and why. It’s clear as the shore on the other side of the lake. Right there in front of me. I am just stuck here, not able to reach it.

Much like a traffic jam. Stuck, stopped, surrounded by other cars, not moving anywhere–at least not very fast. Now that is a much more adequate way to describe how I feel.

And while I don’t spend much time in real traffic jams, I have been caught a few times, enough to recognize them. That feeling where you sit, waiting, maybe mentally logging off for a short while and suddenly look up and see the car in front of you has inched forward a nanospace. So thus do I look up and realize I have lost some time logged off and mentally elsewhere. Not with the flow of everyone else around me. Sometimes the amount of time is scary.

So I rejoin the rest of the jam and realize I am still stuck, haven’t really moved anywhere and while I can still see that exit sign up ahead, I have not really gotten any closer to it. So I am still frustrated.

Not stressed or discontent or any other forms of description. Because I know eventually it will all pass and be part of a bad memory of a bad nanosecond of my life. But right now, this moment, it matters, and it leaves me frustrated. But it shall pass.

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