Journey

Lately I feel I have been on a journey of sorts. A prodding to step out from the norm and known into something new and different. I am reminded of the quote, source unknown, that reads: Some lessons are best learned through trials and understood through perspective. It might have been my profound wisdom but honestly, I don’t recall.

For a number of years I have been content, and perhaps have even grown complacent, in my dwelling. I had a plan, to remain and save funds and eventually leave when I had what I considered to be adequate funds to go on to the next step in my plan, or journey.

Well, the trouble with Plan A is it seldom works out like we thought it should have. So we move on to Plan B or Plan G or sometimes even Plan N. That is  the Journey. Up those steps to the unknown. With a healthy mix of curiousness and trepidation, we begin our ascent up, looking up, peeking behind us, wondering both what does lie ahead and what are we leaving behind.

So my Plan A has recently been crushed and my hand forced into the next step. Well before I was ready. But I know what I have to do and why I have to do it. So this week I placed an offer on a different house and wait anxiously on return word. Somehow, regardless what the answer is, I will have taken another step up those stairs on my journey. There is a certain sense of satisfaction that comes with that knowledge. Is that learning through trials? I’m not sure.

In just a few days, my next book goes live into the virtual world. Nervous? Sure I am. Having twins is hard. I barely have time and thought for one book, let alone two. But that is part of the journey too, is it not?  There is a sense of validation that comes with this though, and I suspect it has to do with perspective.

So as I wait for word on my offer on a house, and the final few days slide by before release date, I dream of paint schemes and think of impressed readers. Soon enough the holidays will enter my busy world too. This year will fall away and  a new one will open up, a new phase of this journey of life. And I will take a few more steps up to see what is really waiting at the top of our trek.

 

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It’s a Wonderful Life… a reminder

Today I went house shopping. I have been doing a lot of the behind the scenes beginner things for a little while now, but today I actually began touring available houses. I feel it is about time to move from my present locale. And I usually follow my feelings. So while I am excited about the prospect and all it entails, I am also a little depressed by it. I had not thought myself ready to leave my cozy home, house hunting is work (as if I am not busy enough already) and moving can be hard on a lot of things. So I feel a real sense of yin and yang in that this is the thing to do, it’s what I had wanted to do but it seems to be happening quicker then I had imagined.

The whole thing sort of reminds me of one of my favorite movies: It’s a Wonderful Life. The one with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed .

I could watch this Frank Capra film production over and over at any time of year. To me it’s not just a Christmas story. It’s a story about love and living.

Why? Well because a major part of the show is now resonating within me lately. The Bailey family spends their time at the Savings and Loan Building, providing families with their own house–‘four walls and a roof” as a character phrased it once. The Savings and Loan Building and what it represents is a pivotal part of the movie, as is the developing romance between the main characters, Mary and George.

So now that I am searching for my own four walls and a roof and it’s scary and exciting all at once. Kind of like falling in love can be. In my case, there are all the stages and steps and searching and time. All the questions about things I’ve never considered before. So I am surrounding myself with people who are knowledgeable on the things I don’t know to join me on this journey to home ownership.

With the right mindset, I can find the fun and adventure in this. And I will take a lesson from the movie that no matter what happens, it’s a wonderful life. In this case, my reminder is in the form of a character called George Bailey.

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New Time

Today I bought a new digital clock/alarm/radio. A $15 investment. My old one had been dying a slow death, accented for weeks by an irritating and loud ‘Bleep!’ every few seconds. I had noticed the frequency and sound were both increasing. Still, I procrastinated. Finally, last night, I hit the radio button, intending to drift off to sleep whilst listening to a song or two. Instead, I was rewarded with silence, broken only by that deafening ‘Bleep!’. This morning I tried again, hoping to hear a few classic favorites before I succumbed to the need to actually get out of bed for the day. Again, only silence with the ‘Bleep’ sound.

I admitted a drive to Walmart was in my immediate future. Since I was there, might as well get that new watch band I had also been putting off replacing. A $14 investment. So now, new clock installed and set and new watchband on my wrist, it all got me to thinking.

The clock had been with me since the last decade. When I was still married and living several states away. A part of my previous life. The watchband was damaged this summer while hospitalized. Why was I so reluctant to replace things that did not hold particularly fond memories for me? Odd question I thought.

Maybe it’s not so much the fact the memories are not altogether pleasant, but that the unforeseen future is just that–more unknown. It’s new. And, ironically, both items involve time. Clock. Watch. Tick and Tock. Yin and Yang.

So I don’t have any ready answers to the question but I do have a new awareness. Time passes. The old is replaced with new. Whether it be life circumstances or life events, all things occur or change. Time will march on, steadily onward. We measure it with hours and minutes, days, months and years, life periods. In these two cases, one was marked by a time when I was married. Before that changed. The other was marked by a surgery and complications that I am still recovering from months later. It is the inanimate objects that mark the time for me.

So I think I shall embrace this new clock/radio to remind me my married life is in the past. It has been for years now. Time to move past it. Likewise, I shall use the new watchband to remind myself the time spent in the hospital is done. I have only a full recovery to look forward to.

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